He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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