I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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