Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize