I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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