We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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