Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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