I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
