I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
