If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He told me they were just razor bumps!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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