Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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