my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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