Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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