gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
