i will never coherently bang her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
