you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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