Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
