I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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