She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
