I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I deserve this hangover.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
