I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
