Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
