Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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