Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
