Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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