why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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