I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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