New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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