I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
