I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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