Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
