he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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