I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
