I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize