margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
