hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
