I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
