I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
