I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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