he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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