I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
