I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
