Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
