New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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