ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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