The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
