hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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