sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
