Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
