just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
