true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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