Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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