My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
