I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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