You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
