Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
