okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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