my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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