I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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