really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
