you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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