He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
