why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
