so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
