Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
