You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
