I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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