Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
