So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize