dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fuck appropriateness.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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