so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i love accidental penises.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
