I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
