Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
