Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
