No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
