Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
