Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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