The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
should my penis look like a turkey
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize