do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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