Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
