I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Little spoons don't ask big questions
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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