I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
