It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
