yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
