Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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