i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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