i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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