I need help removing her.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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