ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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