i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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