I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
