Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
