I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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