have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
