update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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