If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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