you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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