Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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