no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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