1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
