Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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